When she was married, Carly and her husband did not fight much. When things began to get worse in marriage, she and the former husband now resorted to books Advice advice To try to solve things.
“I prefer not to talk to him about things, because It was very difficult to communicate “He was more than silent and aggressive treatment. I think I may be like this too.”
At some point, Carly asked her husband to leave their house in Tampa, Florida. He recalls, “He said, no, let’s solve it under our own roof.”
He took his belongings to the guest room in the family home and started sleeping there. After a year in separate rooms, The couple decided to finish the wedding. But until that moment, they continued to live together in the same house, raising their daughter and looks like a couple for the outside world.
“He became strange to me, who was still married under the same ceiling for a year and then divorced,” Carly recalls.
Although the lawsuit was later, the couple was already going through what is usually called.Silent divorce“.
What is silent divorce?
The husbands end in this position when they no longer feel that they are linked to each other, but they are still together for financial or other reasons, according to the mental health processor Stephanie Muir, which works in the SCEDER MIND COUNSELING + assessments, a special clinic for mental health.
“The silent divorce is when you are not legally dismissed, but you are emotionally mentally, and to some extent, it has been physically removed from your wife,” Muir says.
“It is actually something that you spend individually and a half alone – it’s not something on paper or publicly shares with others. So it can be isolated.”
It is common to hear that The wedding takes the work. “If you are not really working at a wedding, this may lead to emotional separation as two people are no longer on the same page,” said Muir.
Signs that you are in a silent divorce
Realizing that you no longer have common goals such as the couple and the inability to see “growth and expansion” with your partner is a sign that you may be in a silent divorce, or walk to one, according to the processor.
“You may start taking separate leave or do not go to social gatherings, such as birthdays,” said Muir.
Another sign reveals is a A continuous deficiency in the bodily intimate relationship He adds that with your partner, either because you no longer have frequent or complete extinction to contact each other.
The psychologist Lisa Laville, who works in New York City, says that many “very functional couples” receive in her office at a silent divorce.
“Things may seem abroad, and that they are great fathers who have logistical services for things,” Lavil said, but there is an emotional interruption.
One of the first warning signs that I usually see when the husbands are on the lips of silent divorce It is when they feel more colleagues in the room One of the romantic partners. The psychologist says:
Although all couples can feel separate from each other at some point, Lavil says, things become a problem when they avoid talking about these problems and they cannot contact.
He adds that the lack of bodily intimate relationship is a clear sign of the problem. But it is important not to confuse the silent divorce with “Sleeping divorce“This is when couples choose to sleep separately, because one of them is diving or there is a medical problem or another comfort.
“If you are dealing with these types of problems, with snoring or stopping during sleep, it can really help keep your relationship (sleeping in separate rooms),” says the psychiatrist.
The hidden cost to avoid discussions
Laville notes that silent divorce may seem like a kind of rest, as there is no longer a couple who suddenly used to fight.
but Discussions in the relationship have a purposeThe Gustin processor is noticed, from the edge office in Marietta, Georgia.
“Despite a functional imbalance as it may seem, the battles usually reflect that we disagree at the present time, that we are not on the same page, and we do not understand ourselves – but we are trying to help our partners to realize what we feel,” he says.
For some husbands, The battles may indicate that there is still a desire to feel contact. Laville says that the couple is in a silent divorce, they may not fight because he does not care.
“For example, a couple talks about practical things, which have dinner. But anything is important or uncomfortable, they no longer talk about,” describes the therapist. “There is a lack of weakness.”
There is also an emotional cost. “When you are married to someone and intentionally trying to avoid this person, it takes time and energy to do this,” Laville added.
Resentment accumulate over time
Couples in a silent divorce experience Emotional separation Which can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness and resentment, indicates that.
“Over time, these feelings are really accumulated and difficult to try and deal.” “Often, what we see is that this is likely to develop in depression or anxiety. This is manifested in many different methods.”
For couples with children who are witnessing what is happening, there Side effects To be considered.
“You are close to a couple who do not work well, it is clear,” says Laville. “You can feel as if you are skipping eggs just to see how happy they are.”
Silent divorce can lead to Not Not only for adults concerned, but also for children, according to HO.
“Children may feel that they need sides or even feel negligent in the relationship because they do not have this United parent image to reflect or support themselves.”
The husbands must also take into account Financial effects To stay in a silent divorce instead of making it formally.
Liesl Savage, from Airiprise Financial Services, in Jacksonville, indicates that he will not feel comfortable while his customers remain in silent divorce for a long time due to Financial responsibility It requires.
“If my future husband is a car accident and someone dies in this accident, I will have a full disaster in my hands,” said Savage. “If you are still married, you will be financially committed to this person. You are interconnected.”
Overcoming the silent divorce
If you realize that you are in a silent divorce, I advise Ho, you must Sit and talk to your partner.
“Ask,” Do you also realize the same thing? “Try really to understand yourself at this time.”
This conversation, although it is uncomfortable, is an opportunity to see if the relationship is something you want to work on. Do not talk to your own repercussions.
“Children’s resentment, financing, and imprisonment … When these topics are clouded under the carpet and are not discussed, at least one part begins to resent the other person and does not want to work much,” Lavil notes. “The more resentment is not controlled, the more difficult it is to deal with it.
That is why it can be useful to search Therapeutic support. “I think people assume that the treatment is working to save their relationship, and it can be,” says Laville. “But the treatment is mainly aimed at helping couples to hold uncomfortable talks or avoid so that they can make a more enlightened decision on the relationship.”
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